to top

Emotional Intelligence

Understanding your feelings and using them wisely

Strength of Heart

“We have to make it cool to feel again.”

—  Lady Gaga

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is understanding your feelings and using them wisely.

Why does emotional intelligence matter?

Emotions are a large part of who you are. They affect whether you pay attention or are distracted, if you remember or forget. They influence whether you make good decisions or bad ones, stick with your choices or change your mind. How you feel also impacts your physical health and your ability to build and maintain relationships. We all need skills to recognize and understand our emotions, label and express them, and regulate them to achieve optimum well-being and success at home, school, and in the workplace.

Pulse Check

Think about yourself. How many of these things are true?

  • I notice how I am feeling and think about why I feel that way.
  • I look at others’ facial expressions and body language to know how they are feeling.
  • I generally understand what causes my feelings.
  • I have a wide and specific vocabulary for talking about my feelings.
  • I am comfortable expressing my feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant ones.
  • I have a lot of different strategies for handling my feelings.

How do I encourage emotional intelligence in others?

Model it. Try hard to understand the emotions of others by listening carefully, paying close attention to people’s faces and bodies, and asking them how they feel. Strive to handle your own emotions in a way that aligns with your best self and your goals.

Celebrate it. Emotions are contagious: When we’re feeling good, we can spread those positive feelings by sharing them with others. If you see the young people in your life experience pride, gratitude, or inspiration, applaud it and encourage them to talk about it: “I love how you helped your friends resolve their argument. Let’s tell the rest of the family about it at dinner.” 

Enable it. All emotions matter. Create space for friends and loved ones to feel comfortable exploring and expressing all of their emotions—good and bad: “You seem upset about the game. Talk to me about what’s frustrating you.” Use conflict and challenging situations as opportunities for both you and them to practice and develop emotion skills.

About the Author

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is founder and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center of Yale University. He serves on the board of directors for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) and is the author of Permission to Feel.

Nikki Elbertson, M.Ed., is director of content and communications at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

We’d love to know your thoughts after reading our Tips of the Week. Check the following boxes if applicable:


  • Learnt more about Positive Education

  • Found it inspiring in my daily life

  • Found it helpful in parent education

  • Found it helpful in teaching

Tips

Carry On and Keep Calm
Using rituals in stressful situations
 
Not to Worry
How to quiet anxious thoughts
 
Small Wonders
Finding everyday moments of awe
 
Invest in Connection
Being present pays dividends
 
Know Thyself
Your values are your compass
 
Echoes of Fear
Consistent exposure keeps anxiety at bay